Everything seems not to be working out right. I feel like crying. first, my ipad2 button doesnt seem to be working. Then my phone also starts to be funny. And to top it off, I have so many problems at work. =(
And, I am starting to ignore the person, cos I cant stand how the person is treating me. How worse can I take?
I realised that the more I celebrate Chinese New Year. The more mundane it becomes. Is it only this one time in the year that people visit their families? Shouldnt it be regular, say maybe once in half a year? As a kid, the only fun parts of CNY were the things we get to do with our cousins, the red packets, and the snacks. Years on, the snacks and red packets remain, but the things that I can do with my cousins are no longer possible, no longer suitable for our ages.
I used to remember CNY spent in my uncle’s home, where we would sing karaoke, play playstation. And also with friends to watch movies, visit their homes. But all these are gone.
Time has erased the fun. time has moved on.
This week is weird. I dont seem to know which day today is. Like everyday i am living like a zombie. So much stuff to settle. Problems, after problems, after surprises which threw me off, but I survived. Just I dont feel like human. I also took so long to write this entry. Kept being saved as a draft. tired…
Cause there’ll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There’ll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same if you walk away
Everyday it will rain, rain, rain… (it will rain, Bruno Mars)
“I really can’t explain it, but I like you without trying. I love the things you say, and how you never fail to make me smile.”
I am still tired. Over the weekend, i kept myself so busy. Now we need to start planning for B.I.G. The continuation of B.I.G. The children have grown up. And moving to Youth now. I am growing old too, and I dont know if i have the energy as what I had years ago.
I havent been able to share my problems with my sister or mom. I dont know why. Nobody seems to understand the problems or pains I am going through. Its as though I am all alone in this dark world.
I’ve always played it safe nothing’s ever safe
Give me the courage to back my own convictions
Every decision I make I pay it back and more
Now turn the cards and let them fall to me
Cos I don’t need to play on with the hand that they have given me
I’ll give it back cos it�s not the way it has to be (shape of my heart, Sugababes)
I decided against all odds to write the letter. And I think there is a sense of closure for it. But wanting no response from the person does feel like the acts of a cowardice.
How am i supposed to face the person again? How can I move on then?
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life (How to save a life, the Fray)
Then I wouldnt be so depressed over the new year. After I knew something, I felt that it just ate me up from the inside. What’s the point of knowing? Why couldnt I be less observant? Why couldnt I be non-chalent about it?
why do i feel the distance? Why do I feel the pain? Why do I think so much into it, that every word, every statement meant something? And after analysing the words/statements, I feel so dumb that I even asked.
the heart aches, the heart gets numb. the tears fall, the time goes on.
Rainbows are beautiful. They are usually used to depict hope and love found at the end of it. When it appears in the sky after the storm, it takes little for people to feel that special moment of hope.
I bought the book, “Where rainbow ends” yesterday with Jon and Eunice. We had a mini shopping tour around Orchard, crowded, but I was just so excited about going to a bookstore. I used to go to Borders, and loved it. We are now left with Kinokuniya though, but the sheer size and numbers of magazines will keep me going there to browse for a new book. I had no idea why I felt like a buying a book, I wanted so much to just stopped staring at the computer, and watching music videos. I wanted something for me to cry, to relate and to physically hold. And while browsing, I found this book, with the blurb that read “best friends or soulmates?” I thought how the turmoil it was in me as well as the book characters would be having. I was excited and wanted to know the ending. I refused to flip to the ending to spoil the ending, and starting reading it this morning, after gym. And I kept going till it was lunchtime, and came back home to finished it off. I cried and cried. The missed opportunities, the family love, the pure friendship and the perserverance of love for years were surreal. I am currently worried that I may have to wait till I am old to find my love.
The book wrote about this silence. This silence between friends who are actually in love with one another. Hmmm. I am not sure I have felt it. I might have, but I am very unsure. But feeling like Rosie, the silence was put aside, cos there was a 3rd party involved. Cant help feeling that I can relate to that. And I cant help feeling like I know what is coming.
The wonder of Christmas gifts. This year, I am not sure why I received quite a number…
But the best gift, is the one given by Christ. Something I dont deserve, yet He gave. Second best, would be the time spent on me.
These are the ones i managed to take photos of…
Yesterday sure felt like it rained constantly. And probably one of the most. To add on, we were out. Supposed to go for cycling, but it was too wet. So we switched to watch a movie, Alvin and the chipmunks 3, which was cute. I liked the music. Then it was lunch at PS. And to the Museum of toys. Strangely yesterday felt like we were spending more time waiting for one another, then the activity itself. Then to BK for a drink and sent them all home.
I met up with my friend. Sort of feel disappointed about something. But nonetheless I always enjoy my friend’s company.
When Jesus was on earth, i think he felt that. There were so many people who didnt understand Him, yet with love and sometimes rebuke in love, He wanted to reach out to them, and love them. Although they didnt understand it, and didnt want it at all.
I must be the weird person, who is still unmarried. My cousins seem to be happliy settled down, and I seem to be the odd one out. Using work as an excuse for not finding the one. Is that a valid excuse or just something that is real and true? What if there is something wrong with me? Maybe it doesnt lie in other people, but myself. I cant believe it, I want to wait upon the Lord, but will it be that the longer that I wait, the more disappointed I get? The more I seem to be lying to myself? Maybe that was what Abram felt, when he waited. Till he took the matter with his own hands.